


Protect, heal, and fall in love

by Sung_gi



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 05:21:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2535677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sung_gi/pseuds/Sung_gi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He found me from the spot I thought I was going to die at. He offered me his help and I reluctantly accepted it. I never thought I could survive from what happened to me but somehow he managed to give me hope and strength to move on. He saved what was left of me and helped me build myself back together." - Lee Donghae</p>
            </blockquote>





	Protect, heal, and fall in love

**Author's Note:**

> This work of fanfiction is completely fictional. The events of this story are not based on reality in any way. 
> 
> This fic deals with topics that might be uncomfortable for some. It's somewhat depressing and angsty (but has a happy ending).

My name’s Lee Hyukjae, age 26. I work in a shelter facility where abused and people in need could find safety and medical attention. I started working there as a volunteer at first but the owner of the facility took a liking on me and offered me a regular job. It’s been eight months since I began to get money for what I did.

The work has always been important to me, I've always wanted to help people. I come from an abusive - not only physically but also sexually - family myself and I know just how much the feeling of safety can mean to someone. My noona took me to a shelter facility like the one I’m working in when I was just a bit over 11. We had to find a place where we would be safe from our abusive father who eventually drank himself to death two years ago. 

Since that time in the shelter home I knew what I wanted to do with my life. My sister is working as a doctor for the same facility. I see her almost daily when I bring her new patients and offer my help for her if needed. I usually work with the new ones arriving to the shelter.

One saturday morning I was on my way to the facility. It was a beautiful fall morning, the sun was still shining but the leaves in the trees were of different shades of red, brown, orange and yellow. The air was crisp and fresh, just the way I liked it. I was really hoping this would be a good day at work.

The facility was about a mile from my apartment so it was a perfect opportunity take a walk in the beautiful air. Because it was Saturday morning around half past eight there weren't many others in the streets aside from me and a few elders who I greeted with a happy smile. 

Just a couple blocks from the facility I took a turn to left and walked through a narrow alley between two tall apartment buildings. The neighborhood wasn't rich and I would have never taken that way in the evening or at night but since it was a Saturday morning I saw no risk in walking to the alley.

Humming to a song playing in my head I walked through the alley with my hands stuffed deep into my jean pockets. I wasn't really paying much attention to the environment but something - rather someone - caught my attention when I passed the pair of huge trash cans.

It took my brain two whole seconds to realize what I had seen in the corner of my eye. I stopped on my tracks and slowly turned around to see if I had really seen what I thought I had.

Unfortunately my eyes hadn’t betrayed me. There, leaning to the side of the trash can was a young man. The sight wouldn't have surprised me as much as it did if he had had clothes on. But this man was stark naked in the chilly morning air and I had a nasty feeling he had been there for much longer than I dared to imagine.

The man was either asleep or unconscious. His chest was rising and falling in a slow but steady pace. He had gathered his knees close to his chest but made sure his privates were covered from unwanted eyes. 

I swallowed thickly, wondering what could’ve happened to this man. He had perfectly peaceful expression now that he was unaware of his surroundings but the cut on his lip told me he would most likely freak out once he woke up.

I lowered the bag I had been carrying on my shoulder to the ground and slowly walked closer to the man. He didn’t seem to hear me approaching and remained unmoved. He didn’t wake up before I grouched down in front of him, making sure I wasn’t too close to him but close enough to have a hold on him if he panicked.

I blew hot air onto my hands to make sure they were warm before I reached out for his shoulder. The moment I touched his freezing cold skin his eyes flew open, frantic and filled with fear. 

“Hey, I-”

“Don’t! Don’t touch me!” the young man shrieked and tried to get away from me only to realize he was against the wall and the trash can. I quickly took my hand away from him and showed him my palms. It was obvious this man was scared out of his mind.

“I won’t hurt you…” I said and managed to keep my worry from being heard him my voice. I had learned to keep my voice calm and steady, as warm as possible, whenever interacting with traumatized people. The man was still trying to look for a way out of the situation, his eyes moving wildly but he was making sure not to take a single look at me. 

I drew on a soft smile and introduced myself, knowing it often helped people to build trust into you. “My name’s Hyukjae.”

Like magic, the man stopped looking around trying to find an escape route and for the first time his wide, fearful eyes focused onto me. He didn’t say anything but I didn’t mind - I didn’t expect him to do anything. It was more than enough that he actually focused onto me.

A small wave of relief flowed into my chest when I watched him studying me. I already knew something bad had happened to him and I feared it had something to do with another man taking advantage of him, based on his lack of clothes.

“Here…” I murmured and pulled the scarf from my neck before hurrying to take off my jacket. I knew he was watching me with those wide eyes and probably didn’t understand what I was doing and why. Once I had the jacket off of my shoulders I took a closer look at the man before me. I was looking for a permission to put the jacket on his shoulders. 

Slowly I stood up and extended my hands and the jacket towards him. He was watching up at me without blinking and I knew he would let me put the jacket on him. I didn’t need to ask him to extend his arms as he did it on his own and before long the jacket was covering his upper body. I then showed him the scarf and waited until I saw some sort of approval in his eyes before I wrapped it around his neck and covered his chin with it. 

I had never been so happy I had bought a long jacket for this fall as I was when I looked at the man. It was long enough to cover his bottom. When I was finished with the scarf I knelt back down again.

“There...Uh… I wouldn’t want to sound intimidating, but… do you live somewhere close? I would like to help you get home and make sure you get something warm on…” I spoke slowly, trying not to sound too unreliable. Earning his trust was now the most important thing for me to achieve. 

The man shook his head before lowering his eyes and wrapping his arms tighter around himself. 

I smiled gently at him. “It’s okay. I work in a shelter home nearby and I’m actually on my way to work… Would you let me take you there?” 

I knew I had expected this to be too easy when he suddenly cowered and shied away from me. I frowned in worry.

“It’s alright. There are people to take care of you… Let me help you, please?”

“I-...” the man whispered. “I can’t…”

“You can. I’ll help you there, okay?” I tried to assure him with a smile. He was clearly in between two opposing sides. If I was right about him been sexually abused he probably felt dirty and unworthy for treatment and help. And on the other hand, he was cold and I believe also hungry and being a human he couldn’t deny himself the basic needs when they were offered to him.

“I won’t hurt you or let anything hurt you anymore, I promise,” I told him calmly and held out my hand for him. He hesitated for a while longer before he accepted my help and let me pull him up. I was relieved beyond words.

The man’s legs weren’t steady under him but I was afraid to offer him physical support. I didn’t want him to panic now.

“Can you walk on your own?” I asked him. His legs were shaking slightly and he was staring hard at the ground below his bare feet. He took his time listening to his body before he shook his head from side to side. Suddenly he looked like a child who had just lost his parents at a mall.

“I’ll support you… if you want?” I suggested and waited until he gave me his approval once again. When he nodded his head I took a calculated step towards him and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. Then I suddenly remembered my bag. “Let me just take my bag and we’ll get going, okay?”

 

The walk to the facility seemed longer than ever. With every step the young man I was supporting was relying onto me more and more, physically leaning onto my body in order to keep himself up. Neither of us spoke but the silence didn’t seem to bother either of us.

The moment I saw the shelter building I smiled widely. “It’s right over there. We’re almost there,” I told him but didn’t slow down our phase. I had to get him to the warmth of the building as soon as possible - it was a miracle he wasn’t in hypothermia already.

I already expected us to make it into the building without more problems when he suddenly collapsed. We were just a few steps away from the stairs leading to the door of the building. 

I cursed when I suddenly found myself carrying the man’s full weight in my arms. Weighing my options, I finally laid him down on the ground before I ran to the door. I ripped it open and poked my head into the entrance hall where my eyes met with the girl working voluntarily at the office.

“I need help carrying a man into the building,” I yelled at her. She looked stunned, like she didn’t understand the language I was using. “Now!” I screamed in frustration and ran back to the man. He was unconscious and obviously in the need of medical attention.

Not long after I got back to the young man, two men came out carrying a stretcher with my sister following them.

“Hyukjae?” Sora asked me worriedly but kept her eyes on the young man. 

“I found him on my way to work. He was naked on the street and I brought him here but he fell unconscious on me…” I explained quickly and helped the two men pick him up and carry inside on the stretcher. 

“Take him to the examination room,” Sora instructed the men when we got into the entrance hall. She then placed a hand on my chest when I unconsciously tried to follow them. Confused, I turned to look at her. “Get him warm clothes and bring them there. Then you’re going to go to your work, okay?” 

I nodded wordlessly and left. 

 

“How is he?” I asked when Sora appeared in the doorway of the men’s dressing room in the evening. I didn’t stop taking off the shirt I wore for work and simply tugged it over my head. She was my _older_ sister after all, she had seen my naked body since I was a baby. 

“He’s been around once or twice but we’ll keep him under surveillance throughout the night,” she said and took a seat on the bench behind my back. I hummed in acknowledgement but continued changing my clothes without stopping.

“We’ve informed the police about him and they went to check the alley and the trash cans to see if they could find his IDs or something but they came back empty handed…” I gritted my teeth at hearing her words. “I guess we’re just going to have to wait until he wakes up. He’s having a high fever so it’s good that he’s asleep.”

“So we still don’t know what happened to him?” I asked, fearing what she might answer.

“Hyuk…” Sora sighed. “I made the physical examination on him and-”

“Don’t…! Sora please…” I shrieked, knowing already what she was going to say.

“I’m sorry,” she said sincerely. “We’ll do our best to find the ones who did it to him.”

“The ones?” I asked, horrified, and turned around to face her. She gulped and nodded. “There were many of them?” I didn’t want to believe her. As if being raped wasn’t enough but there had to be many of them doing it to him!

“I’m sorry Hyuk… but there seems to have been at least three of them. We’ve sent the samples to the police. Now we can just hope they will find them and lock them up.”

“That’s not enough. You know that’s not enough! They will be locked up for maybe a few years and then they will be out and doing it again to someone. You know it Sora!” 

That’s my experience talking. Sora took me away from home after she couldn’t stand hearing me cry night after night. Our father had been arrested and sentenced to prison for four years. For those years we got to live quite peacefully at home with our mother. 

I was 15 when our father returned home. We had all hoped things would have changed. Our mother never really believed that my father could’ve used me sexually. She took her husband back home with open arms.

Three weeks after our father came back home Sora took me away for the second time - and this time for good. She was 19 by that time and beginning her studies in the medical university.

“I know… But that’s all we can do, Hyukjae,” Sora spoke silently. I was glaring at her in fury although I knew she was definitely not the right target for my rage. 

I scoffed in disgust and turned back towards the open locker and pulled on my own shirt. 

“Hyuk, promise me you won’t go to that alley now? It’s already late and who knows if those men are there again. I don’t want anything to happen to you again,” Sora pleaded and I heard her standing up. She wrapped her arms around my torso and hugged me from behind. “Don’t get yourself into trouble, okay? I believe you can be of great help when our patient comes back around… and it could be good for you to be there for him…”

“You think so?” I asked silently. 

She hummed and released her hold. I turned to look at her with raised eyebrow only to see her holding my jacket in her hands. “He totally panicked when he first woke up but calmed down immediately after he saw your scarf on his bed. I left it there just in case he needed assurance of his safety. I know you managed to get his trust since he let you bring him here. He’s now sleeping while hugging the scarf.”

I felt something warm up in my chest and a small smile spread on my lips. 

“So you’re going to have to go home without that scarf,” she teased with a grin. 

I answered the grin with my own goofy smile. “You’re going to have to make me a new one.” Yes, that scarf I had given him was made by Sora. I got it from her last Christmas. 

 

I was fast asleep when I suddenly woke to my phone ringing on the night stand. When I was younger I always kept my sounds off but due to my job I had started keeping them on in case of an emergency. 

Of course, the first thing that got into my mind was the young man I had brought to the shelter facility. My heart began to beat hard in my chest when I saw the caller ID and without hesitation I hit the answer button.

“Sora?” I asked immediately.

“Hyuk, sorry for waking you at this hour. Come to the facility, it’s him. He woke up and -”

“I’ll be there in twenty!” I answered her, cutting her off rather rudely and ending the call abruptly. It was like I had been awake for long already as I threw the blanket off of me and ran out of the bed. I hit the lights on and took whatever my hands reached from the wardrobe. I didn’t care what I put on, as long as I didn’t go out naked.

The moment I was clothed I grabbed my phone from the bed where I had left it, found my wallet and keys from the side table by the front door and ran. I didn’t stop to wait for the elevator but chose to run down the stairs. 

The night air was chilly and windy but it didn’t bother me the slightest as I ran down the streets while trying to avoid all the people on my way.

It actually took me just around 15 minutes to burst in through the front door of the facility. Sora was there in the entrance hall with five or six other people, all facing the door leading to the medical wing. 

“Hyuk!” Sora exclaimed and stood up, quickly rushing to me. “He’s freaked out and cries for you. He became violent when I tried to calm him down and there aren’t any who could sustain and calm him down…” Sora explained almost breathlessly. 

“Where is he?”

“He’s in the room but won’t let anyone in. He’s pushed the bed in front of the door - don’t ask me with what strenght!”

Sora was clearly trying to stay rational while fighting the mixed emotions of worry and frustration.

“It’s called adrenaline, Sora,” I groaned and she sent a death glare in my direction. “Let me try to calm him down…”

Sora nodded and returned to her seat, crossed her legs and settled to wait the outcome. I headed towards the door leading to the medical wing. The room he had been kept in was at the end of the hallway, the room closest to Sora’s office. She’s one of the two regular doctors we have in the facility but apparently Sungmin’s off duty since Sora’s been here since the morning.

I could hear Donghae’s sobs when I got closer to the door of his room. There was a large window in the door. From afar I could see that he had shut the lights in the room, which meant that he would see my shadow in the window and I would see nothing in the room.

I sighed and shook my head. He might be traumatized but it didn’t make him any less smart. 

I approached the door slowly but didn’t pay more attention on the sounds of my steps than necessary. Once by the door I took a deep breath and stepped in front of the window, to let him see that there was someone. 

“Hey there,” I spoke to the closed door. I didn’t want to raise my voice too much because there were patients in the other rooms who I didn’t want to wake up. “I heard you’re up…”

“G-go away!” I heard him answering from somewhere further away from the door. He was probably hiding in the far end corner of the room…

“It’s me, Hyukjae… I brought you to this shelter home earlier in the morning. Do you remember that?” 

I waited for an answer but when I received none, I tried speaking again. “I came here to make sure you’re okay.”

Then suddenly, totally unexpected, the door cracked open a little. It was just a few centimeters ajar but in the crack I could see part of his face, his brown eye taking a peek to the hallway. His face was at an odd height but then I remembered Sora telling me that he had pushed the bed in front of the door and was now most likely sitting on it. 

“May I come in?” I asked tenderly and expected to hear an objecting answer.

Instead he closed his eyes and leaned his head on the door, completely exhausted. “I don’t think I can move the bed away…” he murmured with tired voice.

“Will you let me push the door open so I can get in?” I asked and he nodded. I smiled at him. “Alright, get off the bed and try to help me the best you can while I push the door enough for me to squish in.”

He nodded again and disappeared from my sight. I could hear him moving slowly on the bed until he made a sound that I assumed was a mark for me to start pushing the door open. It was heavy with the large hospital bed in front of it but I managed to push the crack more open. I stopped, panting when the crack was enough for me to get into the dark room.

“I’m coming in now, okay?” I asked and heard him muttering a silent ‘okay’. Sora had come to the alley when she had heard the noise I had caused. She was standing far enough for Donghae not to notice her. I raised my eyebrow in question which she answered with a short nod.

With that I entered the room. It took my eyes a while to adjust in the darkness but when they did I found him sitting on the floor, right behind the door.

“Hey…” I greeted him gently and climbed on the bed that was now separating us. I didn’t dare to approach him but I knew I needed to convince him to accept the help Sora and the others were trying to offer him. 

“Sora called me and told me you were awake…” I told him in a friendly-chat -manner. I didn’t see his face properly but the way he raised his head a little told me he was curious about who I was talking about. “She’s the doctor here. And she’s also my noona.”

“I… I didn’t know…” he stammered.

“There’s no reason for you to feel ashamed of that. She understands,” I assured him. “How’re you feeling?”

“Not good, really…” his voice was getting thinner and thinner. I feared he would pass out on me again. 

“Can I move the bed where it belongs?” I asked. He only hummed but it was enough for me to act. I hopped off the bed and pushed it to its right place on the other side of the room.

“Don’t open the door,” he said suddenly. “Please?”

I smiled and nodded. “I won’t. But would you like to come over here and lie down?”

“Will you help me?” he asked silently. 

“Of course,” I smiled wider and walked over to him. I placed his arm around my shoulders and hoisted him up. I helped him to the bed and tugged him under the blankets. 

“Stay with me?” he asked when he rested his head on the fluffy pillows.

“Let me tell Sora everything’s fine, okay?” I asked and walked over to the door. He was following me with his gaze and before I opened the door further I turned to him again. “I won’t go anywhere.”

I then opened the door further and took a step into the hallway, though I kept my other foot in the room. Sora was still standing where she had been when I entered the room. “I will be here for some time… He doesn’t want anyone else to come here but he’s burning up. Tell me what I can do about it and bring me the equipment I need.” 

I didn’t give her enough time to answer me before I returned into the room and closed the door almost completely. I figured it would be easier for the young man to be in the room with me when there was clearly a way for him to escape if things went wrong. 

“Sora will bring me some things in just a moment,” I told the man and walked into the room. I knew I was walking on thin ice when I approached the bed and took a seat at the foot of it. Luckily, he didn’t even flinch when I sat on the bed.

It was oddly calming to listen to his breathing in the silent room. Obviously the fact that I had been pulled out of my bed in the middle of the night added to the darkness of the room were slowly but steadily getting the best of me.

Fortunately it didn’t take Sora long to come to the door with a box full of equipment she thought I could use. She knocked on the wall and called for me. The young man tensed up immediately when he heard her but I assured him it was my sister Sora and she wouldn’t come into the room.

I got off the bed and went to the door. 

“Here… check his temperature and then ask him to drink this. It should bring the fever down a little,” Sora explained after she pushed the box into my hands. There were other things she had brought in case I needed them which she said she doubted. “...and I brought you something more comfortable to put on. I don’t think you want to spend the rest of the night in those pants,” she finished her fast monologue and took a meaningful look at the pants I had pulled on in a rush when leaving my apartment.

I also glanced down and only then realized I had pulled on the tightest pair of jeans I owned. I was surprised I hadn’t even realized I was wearing them - they were my favorites when I went out at night but they were also the most comfortable pants I had. 

“Oh…” I said dumbly. “Thanks.” 

“Oh and Hyuk… could you try to get him to tell his name or anything that would help us to find his family or other relatives?”

“Sora, that sentence doesn’t make any sense,” I grinned. “Is your shift over yet?”

“In about an hour…” Sora sighed. “I just… he brings up memories I’ve tried to bury, you know…” she said and took a look at the dark room behind the door. 

“Yeaah…” I murmured, knowing exactly what she was hinting at. “Just go home when you can. You look like shit, sis.”

Sora scrunched her nose. “You aren’t any better, baby brother,” she snarled and turned on her heels. I grinned at her wavy black hair swinging on her back. 

I returned into the room with the box and found the young man sitting on the bed. I placed the box on the floor at my feet and picked up the pair of college pants Sora had brought me. “Do you… do you mind if I change my pants here? I can always go to the bathroom to change if you-”

“No!” he exclaimed. “No… it’s okay.” I raised my eyebrows in question. He lowered his head and muttered something that sounded like ‘it’s okay for you to change here’. 

I took the pants and turned my back to him. I knew he was trying to avoid looking at me but I still didn’t want him to see my front. I opened the button and pulled down the zipper, after which I drew air into my lungs and wiggled out of the tight jeans. I tried to be faster than the lightning and hurried to pull up the college pants to cover my briefs. 

“It’s Donghae,” he suddenly said and I stilled all my movements in surprise. 

“Huh?” I asked, feeling stupider than ever.

“My name… your sister asked for my name. It’s Lee Donghae.” 

I turned around to face him with astonishment pretty clear in my face. “I… I’m sorry you hear us like that. I should’ve been more polite about that.”

“It’s alright…” Donghae murmured and laid back down on the bed again.

I tried to gather myself back together as I watched him pull the blanket up to his chin. He was shivering, probably because of the fever. 

“Do you mind if I put on the lights? I need them to check your temperature,” I asked.

“Go ahead… I don’t mind,” Donghae answered silently. I didn’t want to turn on the bright light on the ceiling but instead I switched on the small lamp on the wall near Donghae’s head. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly the moment the light went on and tried to hide his face under the blanket.

I chuckled lightly at him before taking the thermometer. “Could you…” I hesitated for a moment. “Could you lift up your shirt so I can check your temperature?” I knew it would be hard for Donghae to let anyone touch him after what happened to him. It had taken me years to not panic at regular doctor’s appointments. I still couldn’t let even a doctor touch my privates, male or female.

Donghae pulled down the blanket from his face and his eyes immediately found mine. I recognized the look in his eyes. There was the familiar fear mixed with confusion and hope. I could still remember those emotions that were most likely racing in his head right now. 

“I won’t do anything else aside from placing this thermometer under your arm. You’ll just put your arm back down and we’ll wait till the meter peeps. After that you can put down your shirt again,” I explained the procedure carefully and calmly, like I would’ve done with a four-year-old. 

I watched how Donghae slowly raised his shirt up, revealing his stomach, ribs and pec. I tried not to look but the situation still felt highly uncomfortable and I believe it was for both of us. 

I knelt on the floor and he was surprisingly helpful with the procedure. He didn’t object and let me place the thermometer under his arm after which he put his hand back down and we waited. Before long the high pitched beeping of the thermometer filled the silent room and I took the device from him.

“38,9 degrees…” I murmured aloud. I then looked at him and smiled warmly. “You should get some sleep. It will help bring the fever down. Sora also brought you some medicine to drink… do you want to try it first before going to sleep?” 

Donghae shook his head and with what looked like a lot of effort he turned his back to me. For the first time he turned his gaze away. I was surprised and worried at the same time. I had earned his trust that he would be comfortable enough to relax. He was finally able to be at peace without constantly watching my movements. 

But at the same time I was afraid he would shy into his cover. I had done that after a day or two when Sora got me medical attention after our father got back home. I had shut myself out from everyone. I didn’t speak to anyone, didn’t eat anything for a few days and eventually I stopped getting out of the bed for good. Even now I had days when I would cry and apologize Sora for what I did - I caused her so much pain with the way I behaved. 

Donghae didn’t ask me to leave him alone and thus I expected the first request of me not leaving the room was still standing. I took a spare pillow and a felt from the cabinet in the room, turned off the light and settled on the foot of the bed. 

I tried my best at finding a comfortable position which proved to be a mission impossible. Eventually I chose to lean my head against the wall with the pillow softening the contact. I was sitting with my legs straight behind Donghae’s back. Despite the awkward position it didn’t take me long to fall asleep.

 

I woke up to an ear shattering scream. Startled with my heart pounding like crazy I snapped wide awake. It took me only a fraction of a second to realize the setting and what was going on in the room. The scream had come from Donghae who was now frantically trying to get behind me. He was chanting something I couldn’t understand and the reason for his panic was the utterly astonished Sungmin standing in the doorway.

I opened and closed my mouth, trying to find the right words to say. Donghae scrambling closer and closer to me, trying to squeeze himself between me and the wall I was leaning on, brought my thoughts into one with the speed of light. 

“Donghae-Donghae, it’s alright. He won’t hurt you. He’s a doctor, okay? He’s a doctor and will not hurt you. He’s here to check on your wellbeing…” I tried to calm the man. I continued explaining him who the man in the doorway was and after some time he calmed down enough to stop screaming and trying to claw his way through my body.

“Hyuk, I’ll come back later, okay?” Sungmin said silently, clearly having a bit of a shock because of the reaction he caused in his patient. I nodded while keeping the frantic man in my arms. I waited until Sungmin left and closed the door after himself before turning to Donghae.

“I know you’re scared-”

“You know nothing about how I feel.”

That answer took me off guard. The young man who had been so scared and silent all the time that I had been with him suddenly spoke with such hatred it matched to my own. His words were like venomous snarl.

“That’s where you’re wrong…” I answered him silently, biting back my own hate. I pressed my head down until my chin touched my chest at the same time as his head shot up. Without even looking at him I knew his eyes were full of questions. 

“You…” he breathed silently and I sighed. I had never spoken about my past to anyone of the inhabitants in the shelter. The only ones knowing about my past in there were Sora and Sungmin. 

Sungmin knew about it because he was the only doctor I would let near me. He was the one I knew and trusted and not just nobody with a medical degree.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “My father…” Donghae gasped audibly. “He started it before I turned ten.”

“That’s… awful…” 

I scoffed without thinking. “Let’s not talk about it…” I said and began to pry him off of me. He easily let me get away from him and didn’t stop me from getting up. I rubbed the last remaining bits of sleep from my eyes and tried to zero down my emotions that had suddenly spiked up before I turned to face Donghae again.

“How’s the fever?” I asked like nothing had happened. Donghae was looking down at his hand that was supporting his upper body up. 

“It’s better…” he muttered.

I tried to force a small smile onto my face. “Let’s check it anyway, okay?”

He laid back down on the bed and hiked up the shirt enough for me to do my work with the thermometer. He turned his head away from me and didn’t do anything but stare at the white wall.

“It’s much lower. 38,0 degrees,” I told him. “I’ll inform Sungmin on my way out…” 

His head turned so fast I was suddenly afraid he would crack his neck. “Are you leaving?” he asked quickly and my heart clenched painfully. His brown eyes were once again filled with terror. 

“I have to go to work… I need to make a living, you know?” I tried to smile assuringly but he stayed quiet. “I’ll come check on you whenever I can, okay?”

 

The first few days that Donghae spent at the facility were painful. He was terrified of all the people who tried to come into his room. I was the only one he let in peacefully. He was physically making significant progress but his mental health wasn’t nearly as fast to heal. 

It would take years for him to start trusting people again… if he would ever do that. It didn’t happen in a month or two.

Sora was the second person he began to allow into the room. At first he always demanded my presence before she could enter but after a couple of weeks she was able to enter the room without me. 

It was positive progress but he still refused to talk about what had happened to him. He never listened to Sora explaining him about how well his body was healing and he never even looked at her whenever she brought anything up that could be connected to his unfortunate incident. 

He still didn’t let Sungmin enter the room without my presence after three months but we were all getting used to it. My shifts were fitted so that I would be working at the same time as him for most of the time. 

My presence always seemed to calm Donghae down and help him think rationally. Like me for most of the people, he didn’t let Sungmin touch his bare skin and only I was allowed to do that. 

After being in the facility for five months Donghae moved into a room on the other side of the facility, out of the medical wing. He would still be seeing Sora regularly but otherwise he would be getting used to living in the society again.

He had been living in his new room for two weeks when I went to check on him before going home. My shift had already ended and I had all my stuff with me. It would be my day off the next day and those days were always the hardest for him. 

I also did the visit for myself. Since ages I had recognized the bonding that had formed between us. Two violated souls had met in the most unpleasant circumstances. It was still slightly strange for me to be the one helping the other, and not the other way around as it had always seemed to be. 

I knocked on Donghae’s door and waited for him to open it. It didn’t take long for him to take a peek from the hole in the door before he unlocked it and opened it for me.

“Hi,” he greeted me silently as I stepped in. I smiled widely and greeted him back. He quickly shut the door after me - a habit he had taken up ever since he moved into the room. “Can I offer you anything?” he then asked me when I took a seat on the bed that he had carefully made.

“I’m fine, thank you,” I told him, still smiling. “I just stopped by before going home.”

“So I won’t be seeing you tomorrow then?” he asked, sounding disappointed. 

“It’s going to be my day off tomorrow…” I explained shortly. 

He gave me a toothless, faked smile. “I know. You always stop by after work when you have the day off the next day.”

“I guess I do that…” I muttered and mentally kicked myself. “So… how’re you doing?”

Donghae rolled his eyes at my abrupt and rather obviously desperate try of changing the topic. However, I could see how it brightened up his mood. 

“Sora bought me this new book yesterday,” he said and walked to the bedside table and picked up the novel on it. “It’s great, you should read it too.” 

I looked at the novel and raised my eyebrow. “The Maze Runner?”

“Oh lord, it’s amazing! The plot has so many twists that it’s impossible for me to explain it to you and the characters are so unique and it just snatches you with it!” he babbled and forced me to laugh at his enthusiasm.

"So you've been reading this book the whole day?" I asked, playfully teasing him. 

He giggled and put the book away after which he sat right next to me. 

"That and hosted my brother for lunch today..." he said while quickly growing more serious. 

I was surprised by his answer. Never once had he opened up about his family background before. I hadn't even known he had a hyung before Sora told me the police had reached him a month back.

"Oh," I said like an idiot, bringing out my surprise. "How did that go?"

I was really hoping that seeing his brother would help him recover but there was something that made me doubt it was a happy reunion. 

"Decently... He stayed only long enough to know our family reputation wasn't at risk."

"What?!" I exclaimed and stood up angrily, unable to contain my emotions. "You're kidding, right?"

Donghae shook his head. "I'm afraid not. I didn't tell him the reason I'm here but I think Sora might’ve informed him about it... It will only bring shame into our family and I know my mother won't be able to take it..." 

I frowned when I watched Donghae's expression. "There's something you're not telling me, isn't there?" I asked slowly and sat back down. "Look, I think I now understand why you didn't tell us about to your brother in the first place... But talking helps and you know it. You've said so yourself..."

That was true. We had spent so much time together that sometimes it wasn't just me trying to help him recover but also him trying to get me past my nightmares. 

Donghae looked somewhat defeated and he shifted on the bed so that he was leaning on the wall. "I already brought shame into my family when I told them about my sexual preference... My mother kicked me out and screamed how my dad would've been so disappointed in me had he still been alive. That was the last time I saw my mother... I still send her a Christmas card and a letter but I don't even expect an answer anymore.”

I was lost with words. The only family I had anymore was Sora. My mother hadn't tried to reach out for me after Sora took me away from home over ten years ago - not that I would have tried to contact her either.

"That's... I'm sorry to hear that," I finally stammered.

"It's okay... I just didn't expect to see my hyung."

I smiled a little. "There's one thing I'm happy about though," I told him and grinned when he gave me that confused look of his that I had learned to love.

"And what's that?"

"I heard about your brother's visit from you and not from one of the staff members. That means you didn't freak out when he came here. I'm proud of you!"

Donghae snatched a pillow and threw it at me, causing me to giggle aloud. The pillow didn't get even close to me. "You enjoy picking on me too much!" Donghae yelled but ended up laughing with me.

 

Two months passed by quickly and the spring was there. I was supposed to be enjoying my day off with two of my friends, Leeteuk and Siwon, when Sora called me and told me to get to the shelter facility as quickly as I possibly could. She sounded very distressed but refused to tell me what her concern was about on the phone. 

Fortunately Siwon and Leeteuk understood and weren't disappointed. They gave me the ride to the facility and we agreed to meet again and have a drink together next weekend.

I didn't even knock before entering Sora's office. I had prepared myself to go straight to the point but the moment I saw who else there were in the office I had to reconsider. Sora was sitting behind her desk, Donghae in front of it and Sungmin was leaning onto the wall behind Sora. 

"Hyuk, good thing you're here," Sora said the moment I opened the door. She moved her hand in the direction of the chair next to the one Donghae was sitting on. She moved her eyes away from the computer screen in front of her only briefly.

The atmosphere in the room was somewhat tense. Donghae was staring at his hands that were resting on his lap. Sungmin's eyes were glued to one spot on Sora's desk. No one seemed to be on the mood of talking.

"What's going on?" I asked warily when I took a seat. 

Sora finally moved her eyes away from the screen and looked directly at me. "I received a message from Mr. Lee yesterday. He's going to have to cut down on our expenses..."

She paused and I raised my eyebrow doubtfully. "And?" I stressed.

"And he ordered us to send home most of our long-term clients. Including Donghae."

I glanced at Donghae only to see him press his head down even lower. Sora also seemed to be paying a lot of attention to how Donghae was reacting to the news. 

“But he doesn’t have his apartment anymore. He has no place to go…” I told Sora. I wasn’t sure if Donghae had shared all the information about his family to Sora and Sungmin the way he had shared with me, so I didn’t want to go into too much details if I didn’t have to.

Sora turned to look at Donghae who seemed to be determined not to look up. “You have a brother, don’t you, Donghae?” Sora asked softly and I knew Donghae hadn’t told her about his family and how things were between him and his brother and mother. “I’m sure he could help you if we asked him. Right?”

Donghae looked like he was trying to dive under the table. His neck was bent in a degree that must’ve been painful. I knew he was not going to answer Sora.

“I don’t think that’s going to work…” I muttered and earned Sora’s curious stare. I gave her an uneasy look before glancing at Donghae. He had lifted his head enough to look at me. Those big brown eyes were near tearing. I prayed I interpreted his expression correctly. “He’s not in close terms with his family.” 

Sora mouthed an ‘oh’ before turning to look at Sungmin. The male doctor had crossed his arms over his chest and was deep in his thoughts. 

“That’s what we were afraid to hear…” Sungmin muttered loud enough for all of us to hear. He then looked at me and I knew this was going to be something big. “We already expected something like that since his brother only visited him once and stayed no longer than about 15 minutes.”

“And what does it have to do with me?”

“Hyuk… we were thinking if you could lend Donghae your apartment until he finds a place of his own?” Sora asked. The question came like a wet rag into my face.

“W-what?” I stammered with wide eyes. 

“You live close to the facility so it would be easy for him to come here if he needed anything. Of course we will help you with the rent and stuff while he’s there. In the mean time you could come live with me,” Sora explained. “It’s only temporary, of course. Just until Donghae finds a new place for himself and a job to live him off.”

“But-” I began but to all of our surprise, Donghae cut me off.

“I don’t want that. I won’t chase Hyukjae out of his home,” he said sternly. “I appreciate your help but that’s not right and I won’t do it.”

I was gaping at him with my mouth all open. Sure, I had learned to know he wasn’t just a young weakling but a man with firm opinions but this outburst definitely knocked me over.

Fortunately my brain were still working properly and processed the problem we had on our hands. Donghae had no place to go, to be honest, and the apartment markets were silent right now. In two months there would be a lot more apartments available when students left for summer and finished their studies.

But Donghae needed a place to live _now_ and frankly speaking, I wasn’t objecting the idea of him moving in with me. 

“Uh… how about you move in _with_ me?” I asked Donghae who seemed to be just as surprised by my question as I had been by his outburst. For a while there was a thick silence in the room that was penetrated by the ticking of a clock on the wall. 

“Are you sure?” Donghae finally asked, breaking the tense silence.

My eyebrows shot up on my forehead. I was in awe that he didn’t object the idea. “If you’re comfortable with it… I mean, I have a couch we can make into a comfortable bed…” I felt so stupid stammering there like that but the utterly happy smile that spread on Donghae’s lips wiped away my embarrassment. 

“I’d love that!” he said.

Sora and Sungmin shared a satisfied and maybe ever relieved smile before Sora spoke: “It’s settled then. I’m so happy this was sorted out so easily.”

Later that evening Donghae and I carried the only box he had, inholding all his personal belongings, into my apartment. I grinned at myself when I took the box from Donghae and threw him the keys from my pocket. 

“It’s not only my apartment anymore,” I said with a playful grin. He gave me his toothless smile and fumbled with the keys a little before he managed to get the right one into the lock and opened the door. 

Donghae let me step in first and closed the door after himself. I kicked my shoes off and walked into the living room where I lowered the box on the floor right next to the couch. My apartment wasn’t rich and luxurious but I had everything I needed. 

“It’s...cozy,” Donghae said while looking around in the apartment. I chuckled at his compliment and turned to face him only to find him staring at the photos I had hanging on the wall. There were multiple photos of me and Sora, but also of me with Siwon and Leeteuk. 

“Thanks,” I said with a grin. “Although I’m going to have to buy a new drawer for your clothes and I have no idea where we’re going to stuff it.”

Donghae was particularly interested in the photo where I was on the beach with Leeteuk and Siwon. We were all grinning at the camera - I remembered Sora being behind it, calling us with funny names to make us laugh -, bare chested and in our swimming shorts. 

“You seem so at ease…” Donghae murmured while looking at the photo. 

“They are Siwon and Leeteuk, my closest friends since childhood,” I explained and walked closer to him. 

“Do they know?” Donghae asked and turned his curious eyes to me. 

I nodded. “I told them when Siwon and I turned twenty. Leeteuk’s a bit older than us.”

“How did they take it?”

I smiled widely. “We were having lunch today before Sora interrupted us.” He raised his eyebrow, confused. “They took it well. Of course they were worried at first and upset that I had kept such a bit thing from them but they never treated me any different after that.”

“And… you aren’t afraid of being with them?”

I was shocked, to say at least. “What? No, of course not. They’re my friends, Donghae. They would never do anything bad for me.”

Something changed in Donghae and he suddenly fell quiet. He lost his interest in the photos and silently walked to the couch where he slumped down.

“Donghae?” I said quietly and followed him. I sat next to him and placed my hand on his shoulder. He had buried his face into his palms and was breathing heavily but didn’t cry. “What is it?”

“I just… don’t think I’ll be able to trust anyone like I used to anymore…” Donghae muttered into his hands.

“But you trust me already, don’t you?” I tried to comfort him with a soft smile. He lifted his face away from his hands and turned to look at me with the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. It was so sincere.

 

The following weekend came and Siwon called me before noon. I was still in bed - a lazy habit of mine to sleep in on my days off - and my voice was cranky when I picked up.

“Hey man, it’s time to get up already!” Siwon laughed at me. 

“Uhh… it’s too early… why did you have to call me at this hour?” I groaned and looked at the clock on my nightstand. It was half past eleven.

“Teuk and I were thinking if we could spend the evening at your place. Kyuhyun’s having a gaming night with some of his friends so my place is out and we all know how small and far from everything Leeteuk’s place is. It would be much easier to stay at your’s, right?”

“Umm… I don’t know… you see, Donghae’s here and I’m not sure if he’s okay with it…” I muttered and sat up, the blanket pooling on my lap and revealing my naked upper body. 

“Oh, right.... We already forgot about him. Well, could you ask him what he thinks about it and call me?”

“Sure… I’ll call you…” 

“And Hyuk?”

“Huh?”

“Do not go back to sleep. If you won’t call me in an hour I will call you again.”

I groaned and ended the call with Siwon’s laughter ringing in my ears. It was already obvious I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep anymore and so I discarded the idea of staying in bed. Irritated, I dragged my ass out of the bed, pulled on my satin morning gown and pushed my feet into the fluffy slippers that were waiting neatly in line right by my bed.

Everything in my room was in clear order. According to Sora, I had started keeping my room extremely clean after our father began abusing me, although I don't remember it myself. I guess it had been my way of keeping myself sane back then, nowadays it was just a habit.

I checked myself in the mirror on my way to the door but I didn't have the energy to take the brush from the side table and make my hair decent-looking. I just went into the living room where Donghae was still sleeping soundly.

His silent snoring filled the silent room and I couldn't help but smile at him. His hair was tousled on the pillow and the blanket was covering his torso but his legs were bare. His mouth was slightly open but his face was completely relaxed and at ease. I wondered if I had ever seen him as peaceful and hit blank. 

Silently I shuffled into the kitchen where I prepared the coffee maker and turned it on. Two cups, two plates, bread, butter, cheese, ham and cucumber on the table. I was washing the cucumber under the water stream when I hear Donghae muttering a 'good morning' by the door.

"Morning," I answered him with a bright smile and turned to him. It was hard for me not to laugh when I saw in what state his hair was in. "You look like shit," I joked and earned a tired groan. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept well, thanks..." Donghae murmured as he made his way to the table and sat down. "What're we having?"

"Coffee and, well, just simple western breakfast..." I shrugged and poured coffee into the cup in front of him.

"And what's your plan for today? It's your day off, right?"

I sat down after pouring myself some coffee also. "Ah, yeah... About that..." I hesitated and found myself staring into his questioning eyes. I cleared my throat. "I was supposed to have a night out with Siwon and Leeteuk today but we all agreed to have a get-together at Siwon's place... But it seems that Siwon's roommate is having a game night with his friends so we can't stay there..."

"Okay?" Donghae said with raised eyebrow as he made himself a sandwich. 

"The thing is that... We can't really go to Leeteuk's place because he lives isolated from everything and it would be troublesome for us to get there. He's coming to the town today anyway..."

"Hyukjae, get to the point," Donghae gritted behind his teeth, clearly getting somewhat annoyed with my stalling.

I inhaled deeply but then just let the words flow out of my mouth: "Siwon suggested that we'd meet and hang out here."

Donghae had just taken a bite from his sandwich and raised a finger to stop me from talking any further. Only after he swallowed and flushed it down his throat with coffee did he turn his face to me and lowered his hand back onto the table.

"And you think I'm stopping you?" he asked and I could only shrug with an agreeing expression. "I'll tell you what: this is still your apartment, which means that you do whatever you want in it. If my presence bothers you I can always go to the facility or lock myself in you room."

"Oh no no no! That's not what I meant!" I exclaimed, waving my hands widely. "I only asked it because I wasn't sure if you were comfortable with having my friends around so soon..."

Donghae was clearly dumbstruck. "Hyuk... I'm not mentally retarded or anything. I'm not afraid of people anymore... Well, as long as they keep a safe distance and don't spook me."

I grinned. "Thanks."

 

"Hyukkie!" Leeteuk exclaimed happily the moment I opened the door for him and Siwon. Leeteuk pushed a bottle of sparkling wine into my hands as he squished his way into the apartment. I laughed at his enthusiasm and Siwon rolled his finger at his temple and then pointed at Leeteuk.

"Please, do come in," I told them, my voice full of sarcasm.

"He got super excited over something but refused to tell me what it is," Siwon explained when I closed the door after him. 

"Oh, well that's nothing new..." I laughed just before I heard Leeteuk happily greet Donghae who had stayed in the living room. Siwon raised his eyebrow questioningly when I suddenly took off and ran to the living room. I had briefed Siwon about not to scare Donghae or to go too close to him and he had promised to put the word forward to Leeteuk but the older man had the tendency to forget things when he got excited. 

To my positive surprise I found Leeteuk and Donghae shaking hands in a polite yet friendly manner with smiles gracing both of their faces. 

"You must be Donghae?" Siwon spoke happily as he walked past me and extended his hand to Donghae. "It's nice to finally meet you. Hyuk has spoken so much about you."

I could feel my cheeks heating up the moment Donghae's eyes flickered in my direction before he grinned. "I'm not sure if it has all been positive..."

"Hah! I like you already!" Siwon laughed and turned to wink at me. I stuck out my tongue at him before disappearing into the kitchen to put the sparkling wine into the fridge. 

The evening went on nicely - better than I had expected. Donghae was getting along with my friends like he had known them for years, which was understandable when taking into consideration how friendly and easygoing Leeteuk and Siwon were. 

Most of the time we spoke about normal everyday things like jobs, roommates and other things as such. The hottest topic, however, seemed to be the reason why Leeteuk had got so hyper when they arrived here: he had started dating a new guy after being single for almost three years.

We drank soju and beer after we finished the sparkling wine. Donghae was the only one who didn't touch the alcohol, explaining that he had some bad experiences with it. No one asked about it any further. 

I tried to keep myself in control and to not let the alcohol get into my head but the two friends of mine were definitely at it. At one point I was certain they wouldn't make it home and would have to stay here. I didn't bring it up though, not before Donghae whispered into my ear and told me he was getting tired. 

"Uh guys?" I interrupted Siwon and Leeteuk who were having a heated conversation about whether sex was better with men or women. Donghae and I hadn't taken part into the conversation for some quite obvious reason but we both laughed at their silly argument. Siwon was the only heterosexual in the room and he was strongly opposing the idea of gay sex but he had nothing against gay people. And Leeteuk, being as drunk as he was, couldn't understand how someone would want to stick their cocks into a wet pussy. 

"What?" Leeteuk asked with cranky tone. 

"I take it that you're going to stay the night here?"

"Oh, yes... If it's okay for you two. I'm sorry I think I've had too much to drink to jump behind the wheel..." Siwon said with amazingly clear voice. 

I nodded and told them to continue their funny argument before I stood up and dragged Donghae up with me. I motioned him to follow me into the kitchen. 

Donghae crossed his arms and wordlessly waited for my explanation for dragging him there. 

"I'm having a logistic problem... Since they're going to have to stay here someone had to share the bed with you and I... I haven't slept next to anyone for the past ten years or so... Not even with my friends. And I don't think you want to share the couch with either of them... And I don't have any extra mattresses that we could put out for them..." 

I realized just how wrong I had calculated the amount of alcohol I had consumed when I tried to think rationally. Donghae seemed to also realize how messed up my head actually was. 

He uncrossed his arms and leaned onto the kitchen counter. "Will you let me sleep next to you? They could share the couch..."

My eyes went wide like plates. "I-I... I don't know..."

"It would be okay for me," Donghae added with a faint smile. 

I couldn't believe my ears. Donghae, the same person that I found naked from the alley, was now suggesting that we would share a bed. And it was me hesitating. Me, who had been trying to recover and get a normal life for almost eleven years now, versus Donghae who was the victim of rape just less than a year ago. 

"Uh, Hyuk?" Siwon yelled from the living room. Both of us peaked or heads out to see what he had to say but it was more than obvious. Leeteuk's head was on his thigh and the man had clearly passed out. 

"Oh how nice of him to help us making the beds for you!" I groaned and crossed my arms in annoyance. Donghae let out a small giggle but shut his mouth quickly when he realized I didn't see anything funny in the situation. 

Siwon gave us an apologetic smile on behalf of our friend. "How are you going to do the sleeping arrangements?" he then asked, moving his eyes from me to Donghae and back to me again.

"Hyukjae and I are sleeping in his room. You and Leeteuk-ssi can sleep on the couch, if it's okay for you?" Donghae spoke before I could even open my mouth. My mouth fell open, however, when his words registered in my mind and I understood how he was taking my role in ruling this apartment. 

"Yah!" I spat at Donghae's face. "We didn't agree on that yet!"

"But that's the only logical way of doing it," Donghae argued, not even flinching at my behavior. Knowing Donghae was right there wasn't much I could've said to object him. So I shut my big mouth and sulked.

Siwon was watching the two of us from the floor where he was sitting with Leeteuk's head in his lap but he said nothing. When Donghae declared that we would indeed sleep as he had announced Siwon moved Leeteuk so that he could help us make the beds. 

I ended up helping Siwon with the couch while Donghae went into my room to prepare my bed for the two of us. I could feel Siwon's eyes on me time after time but never once did I ask him about it. It didn't mean I didn't know the reason for his stare. Donghae had only stayed at my place for less than a week and I was already letting him into my bed. I would be just as astonished about it as he was if our roles were changed. 

Donghae was finished before us and informed me that he would be changing his clothes in my bedroom, asking me to knock before entering. I didn't think much of it and just continued stuffing the pillow into the pillow case. When the couch was ready for Siwon and Leeteuk I helped Siwon to carry our friend onto it.

"Uh, you can strip him on your own, right?" I asked him, my words getting slurry.

"Of course! You go ahead and go to sleep," Siwon answered with a warm, understanding smile. That's what I liked about in Siwon: even though he was obviously drunk he didn't lose his sense of rationality. 

I bit him good night before going into the bedroom. I totally forgot to knock but fortunately Donghae was already dressed in his pajama pants and a plain white t-shirt.

"I didn't even expect you to remember to knock before entering and yet I'm disappointed in you," Donghae groaned and rolled his eyes. He was sitting on the further edge of the bed with his back towards the door, reading one of his many books in the light of the night lamp. 

"Aish... Sorry about that," I apologized awkwardly. "I'm gonna... I'm gonna go wash my face..." With my cheeks burning in embarrassment I rushed into the bathroom. Siwon was in the middle of taking his shirt off in the living room and stopped his movements when I ran from my room but I didn't stop to admire his tall, perfectly muscled body. I locked myself into the bathroom as fast as I could.

I tried to stall and spend more time than necessary in the bathroom but eventually I had to get out. I was getting more and more petrified with every step I took towards my bedroom. After eleven years I would be sleeping with someone next to me for the first time. 

There was a part of me that laughed at me and told me how stupid I was for fearing tonight. It was Donghae who was going to sleep next to me, not my father or anyone older than me. And as if that wasn't enough, Donghae was a victim also! 

I took a deep breath before stepping into the now dark bedroom. Donghae had already turned out the light he had used and settled under his blanket. 

"I've turned my back towards you so you can change your clothes in peace," Donghae murmured when I got closer to the bed.

To say I was relieved would be an understatement. "Thanks..." I muttered before taking myself fresh pajamas from my wardrobe, relying on my memory only. It wasn't difficult task for me, thanks to my almost neurotic habit of keeping everything straight and in order.

I felt my stomach twist almost painfully when I laid down on the bed and pulled my own blanket to cover my whole body, except for my face. Only half a minute later Donghae turned to lie on his back, just like I was, and let out a shaky, tense breath.

I understood the message in that exhale perfectly. He was just as nervous about this as I was.

For a long time we stayed in silence although we both knew the other one was still wide awake. It definitely was not easy to relax and fall asleep.

"I like your friends..." Donghae murmured silently, finally breaking the silence. I could only hum in response. "I now understand how you're able to let them close to you..."

"One day you'll be able to do that too..." I answered. Suddenly my head felt sober like I hadn't drunk one drop of alcohol, my senses highly alert and my thoughts running clear.

"I doubt that... I don't think I'll ever be able to make close friends again..." Donghae said with a heartbreaking sigh. "Those men...and the woman..." His words hitched in his throat and I was happy it was dark in the room so I couldn't see his tears falling from his eyes.

I turned my head to the side, facing him. "What're you trying to say?" 

"I don't know how they found out about my sexuality..." Donghae sniffed rather loudly. He hadn't spoken about that night to me before this. My heart was clenching painfully in my chest, knowing how hard this was for him.

"I used to work in a cafe-bar as a waiter. I moved here from my hometown and got a job from there almost immediately..." Another sniff. "I thought they were my friends... I worked with them for one and a half years... And then they just suddenly..."

Donghae stopped talking again but I was afraid to say anything. He would probably stop talking for good if I opened my mouth.

He seemed to gather his thoughts and try to stop his tears from falling for a while. "That night one of them offered me a ride home... He... He said we'd drop one of the others off in this part of the town first before taking me to my place. But then they just... They dragged me out of the car into the alley..." Donghae let out a shaky breath. "They..." He gulped. "They said they were to teach me to like pussy..."

I was beginning to feel sick. Those people were sick! And what made my blood boil the most was the fact that Donghae had known those people for all this time and they were still running free on the streets without being punished.

"They wanted me to..." He hiccuped. "...to fuck her but I just couldn't... I didn't get hard and that's when they... The men..."

Unable to contain myself anymore I gently hushed him. "Shh... You don't have to do this now..."

"Hyukjae... This will be the last time I ever talk about it..." he whispered. "I have to let you know about it... But I... I won't do it again."

I sighed, my heart still clenching in my chest. "Alright..."

"They ripped my clothes into pieces... And to silence me they... stuffed the remainings of my underwear into my mouth... And they took turns... They...f-fucked me one at the time while she was trying to get me hard so she could, uh, use me on herself..." 

Based on the movements he made I could tell he was furiously wiping his teary eyes.

"Why... Why haven't you given them in?" I asked as tenderly as I could manage.

Donghae hiccuped once again. "One of them... I know he's gay too... And he didn't want to be a part of it. I could see it in his eyes... He just couldn't do anything to stop it without being terrorized himself. I-I know it's twisted but I've forgiven him. So I can't give them in because then I would have to rat about him also when he was just as much of a victim as I was..."

"That sure is twisted... But in a way I think I understand you..." I muttered.

After that neither of us said anything. I already thought he fell asleep and I think so did he when he suddenly whispered: “I hope you don’t remember a thing I said when you wake up in the morning…” 

 

I woke the next morning alone in my bed. I was as close to the edge as possible, which meant I had unconsciously tried to get away the other human body next to me, but I still felt strangely relaxed and well slept.

I heard the clinking of glasses and plates carrying from the kitchen. Donghae had left the door ajar when he had left the room and through that small crack I could hear pretty much everything they were talking about. 

The digits on the clock on my nightstand were flashing 11:48 but I still didn’t feel like getting up. My head hurt like hell and my body felt heavier than it in reality was. Someone just closed the door of the bathroom and the sound of the lock clicking sounded too loud for my liking. I rolled onto my back and tried to close my eyes again, desperately trying to get some more sleep but the words carrying into the room prevented me from having the sweet pleasure of unconsciousness.

“Morning Donghae-ah,” Siwon’s bright voice greeted Donghae. Apparently it hadn’t been long since he got up.

“Morning… did you sleep well?” 

Siwon chuckled. “With Leeteuk passing out it’s not difficult.” Leeteuk shrieked his objection but neither of the other two took him seriously. “But you, how did you sleep?” Siwon then asked, obviously directing the question to Donghae.

I felt dirty, listening to my friends like this but I couldn’t help it. I was not ready to get up and close the door but I didn’t even want to. I was dead curios about what Donghae would be like with my friends when I wasn’t around. His words from last night were still clear in my memory unlike he had hoped and I was afraid he would never really make friends anymore.

“I’ve slept better, to be honest…” Donghae answered and I could guess he was lowering his gaze to the floor or something.

“Was it difficult for you? Or did Hyukjae make it difficult?” Leeteuk asked with a completely different tone of voice than what he had used just a moment ago. This was the motherly voice Leeteuk often used when concerned about someone he cared about.

“Eh…” Donghae almost whined. “It… it was just awkward, I guess…” 

“It’s okay, Donghae-ah. We understand it perfectly. Hyukjae has never let anyone into his bed before. He has never slept in the same bed with either of us and we’re his closest friends,” Siwon told Donghae.

I was biting my tongue not to make a sound. I hoped they weren’t getting any more personal…

“So Hyukjae has told you about… me?” Donghae asked.

“Uh, yes. He was the one who found you and he was very upset for days after that…” Leeteuk explained. “He was super worried about you even though he didn’t know you yet.”

“I… uh, I don’t know what to say…” Donghae murmured. I grinned, imagining the blush that was most likely marrying his smooth cheeks.

“You know what I think?” Siwon asked rhetorically. “I believe you’ve woken something in Hyukjae that he has always been afraid of. I mean, he took you into his personal space and now even let you into his bed. It’s miraculous.”

“Siwon, you’re embarrassing him,” Leeteuk butted in but Siwon dismissed him.

“What I’m trying to say is that it’s good that he now has you. He would never admit it but you’re special for him. I know this is going to sound awful but I think that he unconsciously knows to trust you in ways he doesn’t trust us because of your mutual background.”

“Siwon!” Leeteuk yelped. “You can’t say things like that!” 

“I-it’s okay, Leeteuk-ssi…!” Donghae managed to say and Leeteuk fell quiet. “I actually agree with Siwon-ssi.”

“Oh, drop the formalities! You make me feel so old when you say Leeteuk-ssi…” Leeteuk whined playfully and successfully lightened up the mood.

“Hey guys, let’s go wake Hyukjae up. He’s slept long enough already,” Siwon suggested and I already knew the devious grin he had on his ridiculously gorgeous face. 

I wasn’t sure what those three had in mind but I turned my back towards the door and tugged the blanket up to my chin. Not long after that the three pushed the door open, someone hit on the lights and one of them walked to the window and opened the curtains, letting the spring sun shine right into my face. 

“Rise and shine, baby!” Siwon chirped loudly and tugged on my blanket. I responded with a groan and tightened my hold onto my cover. 

“Come on Hyukjae! It’s noon already and you have the evening shift! So if you don’t want Donghae to starve here all day you drag that lazy ass of yours out of the bed and get ready for today!” Leeteuk accompanied Siwon and together they managed to steal the blanket from me. 

They were all laughing when I clung onto my pillow and curled up around it, still childishly refusing to get up. 

In the end they took their own pillows and literally beat me out of the bed.

 

“Just call her already, Hyuk!” Donghae ushered me. It has been six months since Donghae moved in with me and there was no way he was ever going to move out. Neither of us had even tried to look for an apartment for him.

“But… how am I going to tell it to her? She’s going to freak out!” 

We were sitting on the couch in our living room with Donghae’s new laptop open on the table in front of us. We had just booked us the hotel room from Vegas and our flight tickets were printed out right next to the laptop. 

“Probably yes. And she’s also going to pissed off at you for a long time. But you have to tell her. We can’t just leave without telling her!” Donghae rationalized with me. And I knew he was right.

Taking a deep breath I dialed Sora’s number and put the phone on the speaker. She didn't pick up immediately and I already sighed in relief, thinking she wouldn't answer but of course she did just before I ended the call.

"Hey Hyuk, what's up?" she greeted happily.

"Hey sis..." I managed to stammer. Donghae poked me to my side and gave me a murderous glare. "I, uh, I have something to tell you."

I could hear the doubt in Sora's voice. "Is this something I should get worried about? Have you done something stupid?"

"What? No! No, it's not like that..." I panicked and earned another shove from Donghae. Sora was waiting silently for my explanation while Donghae was getting impatient with me. "Noona, Donghae and I... We're travelling to the US." 

Sora burst out laughing, clearly in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

I took a quick look at Donghae, begging for him to help me out a bit but my attempt was futile. Donghae was just as stubborn about this as always.

"Y-yes... We're going to Las Vegas for a week..."

"Why?" Sora asked, suddenly totally serious.

I gulped. "We're going to get married there."

"What?" Sora yelled into the phone and both of us flinched at the tone of her voice. "When?"

"Eh... Tonight..."

"Lee Hyukjae! What the fuck is going on in your head?"

Apparently Donghae understood how powerless I was with my sister and decided to step in. "Noona, please don't be so harsh on us," he pleaded, using his cuteness that even the pissed off Sora couldn't refuse.

"Am I on speaker?" she asked, immediately calming down a little. We both hummed in answer. "Donghae-ah... I understand what you two have together and I appreciate it. But... Don't you think it's a bit too soon for you to get married?"

We exchanged puzzled looks. "Uh, no?"

"Then who's paying your trip, huh?"

Donghae gave me a meaningful look and told me to explain it. It would be the hardest thing to do of all.

"Sora... Please don't lose it now, okay?" I tried to calm my pulse but didn't take a long pause so Sora couldn't interrupt me. "Mother called me a week ago."

" _What_?" 

I knew she would react like that, utterly shocked. 

"Yeah, I know. Quite of a shocker, right?"

"And what does she have to do with your trip?"

"You're not going to believe this but... She apologized for closing her eyes back then. She wanted to meet me and I took Donghae with me to the café. She actually gave us her blessing and the money we're using for the trip and a new apartment."

Sora was quiet, probably trying to recover from the shock of her life. 

"Sorah?" Donghae asked in concern.

"I, ah, yeah... I'm still here. The news just took me off guard. Uh... So she gave you the money? Just like that?"

"Pretty much yes. She had already fixed the money to give it to me, said it was to pay for all those years that I had suffered and been on the run," I explained. 

"And you just decided to take off, huh? What about your work?"

"Sora, please..." I whined. "I called only to tell you that we're going and your baby brother will be out of reach for a week."

Donghae rolled his eyes at me and I could imagine Sora doing the same at the other end of the line. 

"Alright, fine. Go have your wedding. I'm just going to be fucking pissed off because I won't be there to witness and celebrate it!"

My mouth fell open in utter shock. I couldn't tell if she was kidding or not. "But-"

Sora laughed brightly. "Promise to come back home safe and sound! I have to go now... Bye baby brother, Donghae."

We bit her our good byes and I ended the call. The moment the screen of my phone went black I let out a relieved, happy sigh. My happiness apparently caught in Donghae also because the next thing I knew was that my lap was full of him and his lips were flush against mine. I moaned into the kiss, loving every bit of it - every bit of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my dear readers!! I don't really have much to say right now... I'm busy studying for my final exams retakes and obviously this fic was a secondary thing to do... -.-'' I shouldn't have written it *haha*
> 
> But anyway, comments and kudos are loved loved loved!! I love reading what you think about my work even though I'm not always replying your comments. I'll try my best to change that, though :)
> 
> And lastly, this fic is a one-shot and I will not write a sequel to it, no matter how much you'd like to read more about them :') just so you know...


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